


Damn me. Damn you all.

by Kobuntan



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, Blood, Character Death, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fighting, I will add tags later, Loki Does What He Wants, Loss, Manipulation, Minor Violence, Slow Build, later on romance, mention of slavery, prisoner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 21:52:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3224741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kobuntan/pseuds/Kobuntan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was one of those children who were enslaved in Jotunheim. Later on trained as a heartless warrior. Although Laufey tried to manipulate with people of Alfheim, and fill the shortage of his army, a woman grew into a strong fighter and faced him. Leaving Loki no choice but to abandon his previous plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jötunheim

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Marvel characters and their quotes. But I own Caunedhiel and Sadron and their actions.

In the year of our Lord, 1445, the Frost Giants enslaved most of the people of her kind. Thousands of women and men, mostly little boys. To fill the rank of his army. These child slaves were beaten without mercy, growing hatred in them. Trailed to kill without conscience. To crave for blood. To fight the other eight realms. When blood cries for blood, you answer the call. From among these boys, there was a woman, who grew into a warrior, so fierce that an entire army would retire from terror with the mention of her name. **Caunedhiel Caladwen** , the so called ruler of the light. Laufey, the ruler and head of the Jotunheim found her threating. The Frost Giant rose to height with grace from atop at his half ruined throne — Careful are the long steps that lead the king down and towards the rebelious woman. He who was seamed with nothing but three pairs of oblong golden horns on his head, few of them ornamenting his chest, two pairs of golden-brown shields on his shoulders and wrists, stood intrigued as his crimson gaze run the woman in front of him, down and up from head to toe examining her each momevent. As one of the Alfheim, seeing the man who tortured, raped and enslaved her people, made her fingers curle into a fist. Her disguist and hatred towards the Jotunheim realm was endless. No wonder.

“You, do not try to defy me. You are just a mere elf, nothing in comparison to me.” He took a step closer, still observing her. His hoarse voice echoed in half-ruined hall. Which was succesfully ruined to its ashes by Odin’s son, Thor. Oh how he despited that muscly filth and his companions. That moment when one of his man pierced the ice spear through the blond man’s shoulder was filling his frozen heart with delightment. How dared they step in and destroy his realm. But the other one, the raven haired man was to his liking.

The woman holds tender thrumming in her throat. Not speaking, nor looking at him. The floor to which she gave her full attention looked more pleasing than his hideous face. She’d like to have them all whipped until the blood ran down their backs.

The sound of his feet againts the icy floor sounded closer with each step he took. “For an elf woman you are quite stubborn.” He exhaled near her ear. “However, do not think that you will disobey any longer. To remind you, to _who_ you belong to I shall sacrifice one of your scum friends. I, Laufey, am willing to sacrifice one warrior. Bring him!” He moved his hand, ordering one of the guards to bring one of the male Elves. Her clench grew stronger, nails digging into her palm. “We will see for how long you are willing to be disobedient.” Walking away from her, he found his place againts the wall, leaning. The guard brought an Elven man, throwing him on the floor. “You may leave.” He waved his out with his hand.

She did not dare to turn her head and face the man. Hearing his heavy breathing was enough for her to know he received few hits into his stomach, probably, before he got here. The man slowly collected himself off the ground, trying to stand on his own two feet. “My lord.” He said, placing his left hand on his chest. “Are you in need of assistance?” The man's voice sounded familiar to her, Sadron, his name was. One of the strongest warriors in this realm, and of course one of her closest friends. He was her brother. A loyal one, so far. “My lord?” He asked again.

“Kill her.” Was his order. After his words, both of them froze. Time stopping. Two sibling fighting, forced to kill the other one. How cruel it was, indeed. Laufey now stood behind Sadron. “She is a threat to us, she must be eradicated, by you. That, will be a proof of your loyalty to me and our kind.” Both of his hands were placed on the poor mans shoulders, whispering with his gruff voice. Knowing the man would never attack his relative, he was ready to take his life, when the man took out sword and aimed it towards his sister. She turned at the sound of sword leaving its usual place. Looking at her brother with disbelief. She placed her hand on her sword, taking it out when her brother took a step closer, placing it under her chin. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, sister.” Sadron snapped. “I will remodel that pretty face of yours.” He stung his sword further, making a little scar under her chin. The thick, dark red liquid slowly oozed out of the wound, not showing any emotions. She swung her sword out of the sheath, their blades flash and ring. She knew that only one would walk away from this. Her opponent's sword was already stained with blood. Her opponent thrust his sword forward, only to be met by hers.

Slowly, Sadron was getting tired. After all, he was still wobbly after the Guards punches. Although he was her brother, she felt betrayed. Betrayed by her own kind and blood which was running in her veins too. It was decided. Swiftly she slashed him across his belly with her sword in her right hand. He gasped in pain. She slashed her blade back and forth into his chest. He looked up at her, his now red eyes filled with pain. She was interupted with someones clearing his throat. Her eyes searching for the owner, finding a tall man in black letter suit decorated with green fabric, a golden helmet with two horns upon his head. Sadron’s wound began bleeding openly. She looked back at her brother whose life was slowly leaving him.

“I am sorry for the interuption, Frost Giant. But I am here to make a deal with you.” The raven haired man said, his eyes however were glancing at her. Her brown hair ruffed and stuck together, her chest and hands painted with ruby. “What kind of deal, Loki, son of Odin.” Laufey's eyes were locked on Loki. “I will conceal you and a handful of your soldiers, lead you into Odin's chambers, and you can slay him where he lies.” He said, lancing his fingers together. The woman looked at Loki, his clothing was different, so was his face. His arms and shoulders wrapped in armor. Traitor, she thought. She held her sword firmly, aiming it on the black haired man. “You traitor!” She barked at the man, raising her voice at the last word.

The eyes which looked like a combination of sapphires and emeralds were locked on her, if ones stare could kill, she would be already ten feet under the ground. Without mercy. “Take her.” Laufey ordered the guards. However she, did not want to leave, not yet. She swung her sword across the guards chest, his body falling into ice pieces. “You are no King to me, monster!” She snapped, pointing the sharp tip of her sword at him. Loki looked quite amused by the scene in front of him, he crossed his arms on his chest, waiting. “I shall wait.” He said, making a hand gesture towards Laufey to continue.

Laufey's hand turned into an ice spike, blocking her way with sharp frozen icicles. She switched the sword into her other hand, walking towards him. She swung with the sword, squat down and injured both of his legs. He hissed in pain and strike his hand into her shoulder. She moved in the right time, however his sharp spikes peeled through her skin, making her yelp in pain. Gaining all the strength from her body into her arms, made the last movement complete. The King's head fall of his neck on the ground. “Impressive.” Loki said, taking few steps toward her when she stoped him, pointing her sword at him. “Don’t you move closer, filth!” She hissed. Loki’s lips curved into a smile. “Let me help you, little one.” He leaned his hand towards her. “I need no help from a traitor. Leave or die, your choice.” Were the only words that were thrown at him.

For a moment he considered her offer. “You no longer can fight. Your body is out of energy.” What he said was true, but she was not that type who would admit defeat. “I’m sincere, I am willing to help you and your kind.” He said convincingly, but his eyes were not visible for her. She couldn't see that wicked sparkle in his eyes. “I do not believe your words, liar.” She was on her knees now, holding her shoulder. Now he was the one who looked, impressed? Yes, that was something new for him. She heard his footsteps coming closer. “Let's have it out, then. The truth. The truth of who I am. I am the echo of a scream. I am chaos itself. I am the magpie who whispers. I am the crime that will not be forgiven. _The god of mischief!_ ” He said, standing behind her.


	2. Asgard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Marvel characters. But I own Caunedhiel and her actions.

September 12, 1445. Soon there might be war. Millions of people will perish in sickness and misery. Why does one death matter against so many? Because there is good and evil. And evil must be punished. That was the rule, of all nine realms. The citizens of Asgard were afraid. They have seen the true face of evil. Frighten people screaming on streets, save us. The guards slid the patio door open and Odin the _Allfather_ stepped out into the balmy night. The platform on which he stood was made of gold. His hands slowly spread, saying “People of Asgard!” attracting the attention of each startled person. “There is no need for You to be afraid. Asgard is safe, I can guarantee you that.” A pleasing deep gravely voice spoke; it made some people wonder which breath would be his last. “No wonder your abortive son is nothing but a liar, when the great Allfather is no different!” One man among the thousands yelled.

The chuckle that replies is that soft, rolling thunder that billows across the dark skies on a stormy night. “Show me yourself, brave man.” The voice echoed through the massive hall. His voice was deep, whenever he spoke, every head in the room would turn. In a blink of an eye the hall was covered with dead silence. “Hiding yourself behind other people, not daring to show. Nothing else but a boy proving himself a man.” His rising voice rang in every inch of the wall. He speaks as if he controls the world, his experience seeping through. “The matter of your distress has been settled. There is nothing to be worried about.” Odin’s stentorian voice calmed down the people of his realm, for now.

It was raining, and the sky was a dull putty color. Her eyes were finally open, after such a long time. She was unconscious for more than four days, she must have been exhausted after two battles in a row. Her body rose from the bed, looking around the unknown place. Various thoughts were filling her brain, most of them had the same wording. Where was she, what happened to her people, were they still alive? Were the questions bothering her. She was all alone in this damned place, without her usual company. She missed one of the girls, a maid, who were always by her side. Despite the fact that she was the Princess of her realm, she forbit her people the call her or act towards her that way.

Back then, if such a thing would spread among Jotun’s, she would be locked in Laufey’s chamber in a blink of an eye. He would use her just like he did with the previous goddess, getting her pregnant. After she gave birth to a baby boy, a mongrel - one might say, he got rid of it. Leaving it on its own among rocks, darkness covering everything, feeling the rough cold rock walls, a baby’s scream was spreading. The fact that bastard did not look like a Frost Giant, not a single resemblance of him, made Laufey furious. Unforgivable!

Without warning, the golden door opened. Her eyes focused on people who were walking towards her, she managed to stand into a fighting pose. “They are not here to harm you, neither one of us is.” An old man approached, his voice sounded rough. She swallowed and looked around at all their set faces. “Why should I trust you?” Her voice sounded croaky, she kept her distance, her trust in people was no longer there. Who would blame her for that? No one. Her look switched position on the man standing behind him, the traitor one. “My son, Loki, brought you here and set your people free. You might trust him.” Her eyes met the Old man’s. She wondered where he got that eyepatch, probably it was during a fight. She did not trust neither of them, the gray haired man was obviously a liar, and the raven haired youngster was a traitor. In her eyes, they meant harm. What a family. What she couldn't see was that sinister smirk on Loki's face.

“I trust no one!” She responded with a croaky voice. Loki was colored with pleasure at the obvious sincerity of her words. “After your-“ Odin was giving a speech when his eye saw something unpleasant. Caunedhiel felt dead tired, her limbs lazy and strained. Her head pounded; suddenly her eyes went shut and they could only see how was her falling body hitting the ground. “Put her back to the bed. If she awakes, inform me.” And with that Odin left the room. Maids collected the young Elves body and putting it back to the bed. Loki was leaning against the wall, watching the scenario in front of him. “Both of you, leave. Before that, if she tries to climb out of the bed, inform me immediately.” He ordered the two maids, both of them nodded. “Yes, my Prince.” Young women bowed and left the room.

Loki heard the youthful woman rolling over in her bed and pictured her trying to fulfil his plan, which she previously ruined. He, the God, did something for her, of course he was expecting the same from her. With each step he did, his long legs leaded him closer her sleeping body. She was beautiful, indeed, but in his eyes she was just a mere woman, like the others. Nothing special, however, something caught his attention. Her hair glowed like dark honey. It ran down in rivers of reds and browns, covering her neck. It reminded him of that chilly autumn night, when he and Frigga had a long walk in the garden. There she taught him his first magic. Oh how grateful he was. He loved her deeply, although he never showed his emotions. No wonder after the little secret he found out, by accident, about his origin.

Out of the blue, he heard a silent muttering, his attention was caught. Eyes scanning her now shaking body. She'd beed plagued by nightmares. Not surprising. Even though he knew what she has been through, he felt no sympathy. Why should he? In his eyes he went through a lot worse things, than she did.

Caunedhiel awoke with a start. When she looked at the clock, it already said seven. The absence of light warmth on her skin meant the sun was already set down. She had slept horribly, nightmares haunting her. She placed her bandaged hand on the head, rubbing it. She wondered when did they managed to bandage it? Probably when she was fully asleep. The only sound in the room she heard was the door closing. Was anyone in here? She wondered. Trying to get out of the bed, her legs touching the icy floor, placing her face into both of her hands.

“I wouldn’t do that _if_ I were you.” A low voice spoke to her. She paid no attention. “You dare to ignor me? No one dares to.” She saw two pairs of boots standing in front of her through her fingers. She longed for peace and not for a companion of an arrogant man. Placing her hands on the bed, steadying her balance. She kick in those legs, which in her surprise dissapeared. “Wha-“ She stayed surprised, a shallow laugh hit the walls. “You think that I would let myself get injured by someone like _you_?” Loki’s voice sounded dead, the smile on his face fully gone now. For a moment she considered asking him how he managed to do that, but wearily she rejected the idea. Her fingers clenched as she looked unseeingly into the man’s eyes, her lids flickering.

“From now, consider yourself as my prisoner.” He informed her about her state. “Like I care, after I gain back my strenght, consider yourself as a dead man.” She spit back at him. He growled in irritation. How dared she talk back to him, and with such tone! He shall teach her how to be an obedient prisoner. “You, _lass_ , will do nothing without my permision. Understood?” Loki said, a wicked smile coming over his face. In her eyes he was nothing but a supercilious man.

"No wonder you are so miserable." She said, moving her stare off him. His eyes narrowed on her briefly before he moved away from her. A small smile adorning her lips.

"Shut that filthy mouth of yours!“ He shrilled, making the glass next to her explode. Glass fragments pierced through her arm, making a way to warm red fuild to escape.

“Did I offended you, _my Prince_?” Sarcasm left her lips with a grin on her face.

"Will you _please_ , shut up?" Loki's voice was gravelly, filled with danger, warning her. His eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, and hard until his eyes couldn't be seen. He lowered his gaze, and his long dark lashes hid anything his eyes might reveal.

"I am a free woman, I can d-" Her raucous tone was cut off. Giving her speech no space.

"You are no longer free. You are a prisoner." He said, nonchalantly.

"I might be a prisoner but I am a free woman!" She protested, facing him again. Her icy eyes pierced his.

"If you are my prisoner, you are not a free woman. That's what prisoner means." His explanation offender her, she was no idiot. But to him she obviously was.

"Then, you think you are free?" Both of them were staring into each others eyes, the coldness of it filled the room. He did not gave her an answer. Why was he hesitating? Her words angered him, her throat was firmly held by his hand. His grassy eyes were intensly locked with hers. She did not understand what was he so furious about. She said nothing wrong. The unknownness of his needs gave her an uneasy feeling. Her spine stiffened and she forgot that her feet were still on the floor. To him, his anger was necessary to survive. His anger had been building up for so long, he had turned into a very anxious person.


	3. My Little Flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Marvel characters. But I own Caunedhiel and her actions.

She looked out from the alcove into the huge drawing room and watched the dancers, remembering how beautiful it had been in her home, in Alfheim. The marble floor had shone like the most finest glass out of all realms, and overhead the chandelier with its hundreds of tiny transparent prisms had caught and reflected every ray of the dozens of candles it bore, flinging them around, like gleams from diamonds, flame and sapphire dancing around the room. The old portraits of heroes and family members, hanging on the walls had been dignified and gracious, and had looked down upon guests with an air of mellowed hospitality. The heavy old mahogany table, spread with cakes and decanters, various types of meat filling every nose with its delightful smell. People of Asgard were hospitable, indeed. Just like the rumors say.

The music certainly was inviting, but she immediately abandoned that idea. For her it was too late, she could not go down and enjoy herself. Her feet wouldn’t allow her to move, neither her emotions and pride towards her kind. But it was tempting, indeed. The devil showes himself as your most intimate wish after all. After the dull and exhausting days at Asgard it was good to hear such a gentle music, it gave her a warm feeling. It was like coming to life again after being dead for so long. She started humming in the rhythm of music, allowing herself to banish those awful thought she was having.

“Enjoying the view?” She heard a voice near her ear, making her shiver and jump in surprise. It was Loki, his laughter hushed all her calmness away. He leaned against the wall, paying no attention to the banquet outside. His face relaxed, bright tourmaline light illuminated his eyes. “What do you want this time?” She ignored his question. Turning her back at him she passed by the balcony and sat down on the chair, crossing her legs. She sat and watched him, she felt herself different among them, lonely. “I will ignore your indecent attitude towards me, this time.” He said, unamused. “However, you shall listen to anything I say, and you shall obey me.” His eyes were on her now, scanning her from tip to toe. She shrugged in irritation. She was not a piece of meat on market, how dared he. “Why should I obey you in the first place?” Once the question was formed in her thoughts, she spit it at him, her eyes narrowed. Back then, at her home land, she would never dare to talk back to any men. She obeyed, mostly her father and brother. But things change, so did she. The times were rude and hard. If you do not assimilate, you’ll die. It’s simple.

“As my father mentioned before, I saved your people, gave them freedom..” She considered what he said, without saying a disloyal word she nodded, letting him finish what he started. Perhaps these people were right and she was wrong, who knows. However, she was not sure of it, yet. Loki walked towards her, slowly. His lips were curved in a smile, he enchanted any woman he wanted, yet this one looked annoyed by his presence. He wondered how did she managed to act annoyed when his excellence was being near her? When he was finally near enough, he caught her hand, gently. His numb caressing the bandage she had around her hand. “You owe me, you are in my debts, my dear.” It was a shame that such a fine little woman ended up in his hands. She withdrew her hand from his. “And that gives you no right to touch me. “ With her other hand she scuffed the place where he touched her, trying to get rid of his scent on her. “You are mistaken,” Loki leaned closer, closing the distance between them. “I have all the right to do whatever I please. Also, you will be moved into my room. There is no need for you to stay here anymore, when you can be by my side, right?” He touched her chin, tilting her head higher. He had a perfect view now, looking down on his prey. Caunedhiel said nothing, her mouth shut. He was not pleased by the sight in front of him now.

“Something bit off your tongue? You were flapping your mouth just a while ago, and now you are silent like a mouse.” He let go of her chin and leaned back, fixing his leather blazer. He was about to leave when he looked at her again. “To not to think of me as a monster, when you have regained your strength, you can go for a walk outside on the garden. I know your kind likes nature. But when the sun sets down, I forbid you to go out of my room. Don't even think about escaping. Understood?“ She nodded in agreement, and with that he left the room. The surprise on her face would be amusing for him. His smile was not quite the usual easy grin.

The next day, maids helped her to move into Loki’s room. She had no belongings or clothing so it wasn’t that hard. Firstly she refused to be touched by anyone from Asgard and tried to walk on her own, but when she ended up on floor with a deep sigh she allowed to one woman to help her. She wondered how he persuaded his father to agree to such terms. After all, she was nothing to him, not a friend nor a lover. He was quite a liar but it still got her interested.

The moment she stepped into his room she knew things will not be the same. His room was dark, dusty and messy. It's like someone just turned the clock back a decade or more. Curtains were overcasted, only a thin lineof light penetrated through them. The walls had the darker shade of brown mixed with cream. The furniture was rustic and dark, bookshelves were full of books. Various types. One would question if he did read all of them. Perhaps he's a collector. He did not spent a lot of time in his room, she was curious about the place where he was all the time, because obviously it wasn’t this room.

She took few steps forward and observed the books, leaning closer so she could sniff them. They had that typical old scent as if they would be there for decades, but the scent of the leather was different, it smelled like him. “I was not aware that you like books.” She turned around, searching for the owner of that husky voice and aimed her hand, out of habit. A delightful laughter filled the room. “You indeed are quite a fighter.” He stepped out of the corner of the room. “What will I have to do to get out of your debts?” She leaned against the books and crossed her arms on her chest. He gave her a provocative stare, raising an eyebrow and making his way towards her. “That, my little flower, you‘ll find out later.“ When he finally reached her, he placed both of his arms next to hers, blocking her way. He pressed his icy lips to hers, she tried to get out of his capture and get rid of him, punching his ice like chest, her attempt failed and Loki's kisses became rougher. Her lips tasted delicious, like sour cherries, he wanted to devour them. He was struggling his way with his tongue violently inside her mouth. The reckless god greedily and passionately enjoyed her warm, wet and tasty tongue, it revealed an endless lust for his prey and nature of a predator. He marked his territory.

She bit his tongue, making him to pull out, after that she bit his lower lip enough to make it bleed, Loki growled during it, while her jaw was strained. He deliberately took a small break, his eyes locked with hers. “What did you do you sick-” The question was needless, since he was able to answer it himself. He chuckled, truly amused, her expression full of anxiety was worthy every coin. She hit him under his ribs once again, with that a loud hiss left his lips. He caught her by her hair, using all his power he slammed her against the ground. Knocking her off. The worst thing on it was that he somehow liked the presence of her tenacious nature. It was quite a match to his ruthless one.


	4. The Beauty of Asgard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Marvel characters. But I own Caunedhiel and her actions.

She scarcely moved; her mood was apathetic and her facial expression dull; she collected herself with difficulty. She wondered if her face was swollen or painted with various shades of ruby. Her muscles felt sore, she slowly rose up from the floor. Her head was throbbing painfully and she was verging on throwing up, but ignored it. Knowing that she was alone, she touched herself, enduring the pain she felt on her forehead. Her thoughts were floating around, she tried to collect them. Her skin was dry, the look at her unhealthy skin made her growl. For Elves it was important to stay in touch with nature, now that she was on her two feet again, she looked around and searched for the bathroom. She desperately needed to feel hot water to calm her pain a little.

Without a sound, she closed the door behind her. While the water was running she undressed herself and checked her body, some bruises were still visible. She climbed into the tub, she slowly sank her aching body into the steamy water. The temperature was perfect and her tingles of pleasure all over her body, she waited until she felt relaxed and lethargic. She hadn't felt the pleasure of a bath for ages. How could she, when she was locked in those cold shattered dungeons.

Caunedhiel giggled as she sank lower into the water. Steam rose up off of the surface and caressed her face. The look of her skin now reminded of a new born child‘s. She soaked in the tub for over an hour, enjoying the rich softness of the water, then leisurely washed her hair and scrubbed herself thoroughly with a cloth. She was scrubbing herself until her pale soft skin turned into red one just to get rid off his scent and touches. Still feeling the taste of his tounge in her mouth and touch of his lips on hers, she sank her whole head into clean, now less warm water to let the traces of his presence float away.

She didn't understand what he was up to. It didn't seem he wanted her as a slave or anything of that sort, so what was he planning with her? And why did she catch his interest in the first place? These were the questions constantly running through her mind when her head was still under the water. Her worrisome thoughts were slowly floating away. When she finally surfaced, her previous thoughts didn't matter anymore. All she knew was the fact that she needed to come up with some plan of escape. She suffered quite enough. Caunedhiel stood up in the tub with water dripping from her body and wrapped herself in the grass-like fluffy towel. After the bath she decided to explore some parts of Asgard, which she was allowed to see.

Caunedhiel wanted to explore the estate and see just how far she is locked away from everyone. The sight of the glory she saw, take one's breath away, it was all new for her eyes. Her home, where she came from, nothing like this could be found there. No majestic buildings covered in gold and long crimzon cashmere curtains covering the windows, the guards were dressed in a heavy armor, horned helmets placed on their heads, their arms were strongly holding their weapon. Their amber eyes showed no mercy, if anyone would invade in, they would sweep their swords against the intruders chest in the blink of an eye. Nothing like that. Her kingdom was simple, houses had the color of light silver, nature all around. But the palace had architecture like no other, it had four sides around decorated with circle shaped long windows. The walls were a white stone that glistened in the summer sun and the roof was grey slate. The air was scented with fresh flowers, never dying. The courtyard, however, was full of water, the palace was the connecting place to each river running through the realm. There was a fountain in the middle, thoroughly carved and shaped edges that were supposed to resemble of their King.

What really seemed to thrill her the most was the garden in the courtyard. It was beautiful, her eyes were suddenly full of sparkles. Slight happiness probably? She never thought that it would look this beautiful. In fact, she was glad that Loki allowed her to visit this place. Daffodils reared their golden heads amidst the gloomy grass and there were smatters of fuchsia alongside the lavenders and saffron rising into the sky, but not by magic. The other flowers were deep shades of pink and purple and the leaves had a softer green shade. The flowers were so beautiful she wanted to see them up close. Calceolaria was one of those flowers which looked like a poisonous mushroom, but in fact their smell was marvelous. Generally, the flowers were small and had few petals, but they were always fragrant. Hued primroses reminded her of her little sister, she loved them dearly. Her hair looked just like the primrose, colorful, various shades of brown showed themselves when the sunlight met her head. They always seemed to sun burn in the summer sun.

She put her fingers lightly on the flower's petals, her body was suddenly on fire. Oh how she missed the nature, flowers, birds chirping and the beautiful cold water which could sooth her pain away. Her eyes were moving from one flower to another, walking around the garden like a little child. She wondered if they did not have any roses, she couldn't find one, until her sight was over shadowed by huge weeping willow flowing down, she took a few steps closer and saw her. There was a rose, single one. Her ravishing crimson color was fading, the silky-smooth petals edges were tinted with dark black shade. "My dear," she said, leaning to the flower. "what happened to your graceful beauty? You are slowly turning dark." Her lips touched the petals, whispering. "I will take care of you." It is odd, how humans have always dreamed of mahagony roses. Deeply in her heart she felt a resemblance between the flower and that apathetic man with coal like hair. Then there was Jovibarba, the cactus-like flower. The sight of that flower was pleasing, but if any person would lay a finger on it, they would protect themselves with their sharp edges.

The sun was already set down. She decided to head back to her room, which she was sharing with Loki. Walking through the hallway she met few maids, she gave them a little smile but they only swiftly passed by her. Paying no attention to her. Once again, she felt annoyed with this place, and so lonely. She sneaked into the room and closed the door behind her, deep sigh leaving her lips. She felt left out as if the universe was continuing its course without her. "You are late. It’s already dark outside. " She looked up just to meet his eyes. She knew that apologizing would only bring him joy, "I lost track of time while I was in the garden. " she curled her hand into a fist. "Thank you for that. " She murmured in silent tone under her nose, she felt so embarrassed after those words. Never in her life she would think that she will ever say thank you to a man like Loki. "You are forgiven. " He laughed pleasingly, with that tittery cackling laugh which she found so annoying. Caunedhiel already regretted her words. She asked herself what his intentions were.


	5. Your Decision

She had curled up in the fetal position dreaming of blissful things as the rain pitter-pattered against her windows. Her world was being washed and she was happy. It was like a torrential downpour. Never in her life had she seen this much rain. It blurred everything, and the windows were shaking too. Sometime later she finally woke up to discover the light was off and he wasn't in bed with her anymore. There was a flash of lightning. She wasn't sure how long Loki had been gone when she woke up and felt sick to her stomach. Believing that it was thanks to their unhealthy food, she paid no more attention to pain.

After some time, she got up and took a shower. Finally feeling refreshed, she tucked the towel more securely around her. She opened the door wide and tied a hand towel around her head as she walked into the bedroom. Walking pass their bed, she grabbed the clothes his own servants had delivered there for her. She hated wearing the stupid golden dresses with green stripes as well, dressing herself as if she were to be offered up like some kind of piece of meat. She makes a note to herself that she should remind the servants to bring her own clothes back. She had no other choice but to put the clothes one.

Soon afterwards the door creaked open again. A woman's voice said something. The door closed, silence fell. The maid reminded her not to forget to go down and have her breakfast. She would rather stay in this room and read the books Loki had there, or go on the balcony and enjoy the fresh air and the nice view on the realm which she disliked to admit. As she made her way to the dining room, she saw Thor. He was having a small chat with an unknown man to her. A slender guy, medium height, with short black hair cut military style, squinty eyes, and a slit for a mouth. His face was long and thin. She made her way down the twisting stairs towards the dining room at the bottom of the house. She wondered, why would someone put the dining room at the bottom of the house. At her home, the dining room was in the highest place, open so that the fresh air would be all around, the scent of flowers filling everyone’s nose.

The room was empty. She hated to eat at the dining room table when her people weren't there with her. It felt so empty and quiet. She missed the joy of talking with them over a hot meal, and the way they would talk about their day and adventures, she did hate to be here when there was nothing to do. She felt useless. Looking around, the room included a large round dining table of walnut and smaller tables for informal dining. In the back wall of the dining room there are two moderately large windows, hung with light red and gold-tasselled draperies. Everything around her was gold, she felt disgusted with that colour already. Why would even people decorate their houses with gold.

After breakfast, lacking anything better to do, Caunedhiel returned to her room, unaware that she will be no longer alone. She turned the knob on the door and yanked it open, she turned her head and met his gaze with eyes that had lost their usual steel color and changed into a deeper, darker shade. She closed the door behind her, although he was looking intensely straight into her eyes. He cocked his head and just stared. She didn't break the stare-down, nor did he. He looked pissed. It lasted several more minutes. He had looked incredibly attractive and alluring to her. There was a split moment when she imagined him near her. She had to bite her lip to keep herself sane, what was this man doing to her? Playing around, obviously. He was enjoying the moment, she had the same puzzled look on her face that the first time they met.

He straightened and took a few steps closer, cautiously, as if he approached a wounded animal, Loki took another few steps closer to Caunedhiel then stopped as he watched her pull back. Slight amusement on his lips, he was well aware of the fact that she disliked his presence. Loki smiled at her charmingly, his eyes darkening with obvious lust as he closed the distance between them even more. Locking her between him and the door, making her trapped like an animal. She felt his hand caress her cheek. She flinched and squirmed at the first touch of his hands on her cheek. His thumb traced the line of her lower lip, leaning closer to her. Loki licked his lips and smiled at her with that sinister smile of his. “I will give you two options, so listen closely.“ He said. “First, become mine—” at those words she shrugged under him and put her hands on his chest, trying to push him away. He moved his palm on her cheek and squeezed them together. “I haven’t finished yet!” His voice was cold, solemn, angry already. Caunedhiel sensed the danger in his voice and stood still. He was truly flattered how quickly she was willing to obey him. “Good girl. Well then, where was I? Ah, right. Become mine, and I shall spare your dearest _sister_ and family.” Hearing the word sister slip his mouth caught her attention and she shrugged again. Loki grasped her cheeks with more strength. “Second, decline that option and I'll kill your parents right in front of your eyes—and then I'll make you beg for your sisters' life too. Or who knows, what other things might cross my mind.” He whispered darkly into her ear. Hearing the last option made her heart bleed, as for her parents, she could care less. However, her sister was a different story.

She tilted her head away from his mouth, opening up her neck to his lips. Her eyes began to water, a tear ran down her cheek and dropped on her dress. She nodded in agreement, whispering, “First.” Her voice was hoarse and broken. Somehow he'd managed to break through several of her defences, walls she'd erected many years ago. “Your face is so cute when it’s all twisted with pain.” He said with amusement, turning her head back with force to face him. When she felt that his grip was not that strong anymore, she withdrew her hand from his grip in a second. She slapped him hard across the face. At least her warrior spirit did not betray her. His grin didn't fail, but he pulled her down onto the bed, hard. His hard body covering the length of hers. She struggled beneath him, her legs were forced apart by his knee, but she kept trying to close them. His hands squeezed her upper arms painfully and her mouth opened involuntarily, hissing. He pressed his body against hers and wrapped his hand into her hair as he forced her to look up at him. Slipping his tongue inside her mouth, he knew he had to have her, the girl with the hair like stormy autumn. Her taste. Her smell was driving him insane. His tongue explored her mouth with sensual determination, licking and sucking on her bottom lip. She could taste the faint hint of mint on his tongue. Shivers of desire swept over her as his tongue ravished her mouth, she sighed and actually deepened the kiss herself. Just as he thought the cresting tide would carry on to something more thrilling and exciting, she bit his lower lip, hard. He instinctively pulled back and away, “In a need of punishment, aren’t we.” She sensed his displeasure at her behavior but did not react to it; in fact, she did not really care.


	6. Why?

September 8, 1445. Three challenging months have passed. They say that time flies. She had to agree with that saying, they were right. It was only just last spring when this nightmare started, and in just a few months spring will be here again. She was lonely but loved to be alone, even thought she was a creature made to be around people. Truthfully, she wanted someone to spend time with; she wanted a companion, but whom? She knew no one in this place, even if she tried to approach someone, they would turn their back on her and leave. There was quite a lot of tension; she was still adjusting to this new place, being very far from home made her suffer.

Loki gave her an opportunity to write a letter to her sister, and she did. She did not mention those horrible things that happened, she only wrote lies, nothing but lies. She told them how nicely she was threated, how she did not have to argue with anyone. She praised it all, tears rolled down her cheek as she wrote. She quickly wiped them away, she felt was growing weak. After finishing the letter she sealed it with Asgardian golden wax with their emblem on it and handed it to the raven haired man.

Caunedhiel had to admit that the way Loki acted around her was pleasing, she felt more comfortable. He was talking to her as an equal; they talked about books for hours. Loki even praised her knowledge about books, and wondered how she knew such books. However, she was still not used to sleeping next to him. When Loki wasn’t around, she used to talk with Thor, a little chit-chat wouldn’t hurt anyone. In her opinion, Thor was a good guy, but a little bit dumb. He acted before he would think about things. He dared to put his hand on her shoulder, she yanked back and he muttered a smiley apology. She raised her eyebrow and took two steps aback. He was impulsive; however at least she had someone to talk to.

With a big thud, leaving the salon, she saw Loki walking aimlessly down the hall. He looked furious, pale, and his hands were fists. He looked rigid as a statue. Thor mentioned her that his brother did not have a good relationship with their father, that she will witness such events even more. She shrugged and looked away. The first month passed without any contact from them, and then another month, and then another. She wondered if they got her letter, if they were angry at her, if they already forgot about her.

She walked into their shared bedroom and flicked on the light which only served to get a frustrated groan from the man sitting behind the desk. Loki clenched his jaw. He still looked furious, but she realized it wasn't anger, it was sadness. He looked like someone else. Her forehead wrinkled with confusion.As she looked at him, she started to walk towards him slowly at first given how he was behaving, he did not move, only his eyes were scanning her. She sensed the danger in air, she decided to stop moving forward and stood still. “I have—” She said.“Leave me alone,” He yelled as he stood up. His chair screamed away, he stomped toward her. His face flushed with anger, and he stared at the little woman. Caunedhiel didn't have to do or say anything to set him off, he would attack her for any reason now. Taking a darting step forward and lifting his heavy hand. She stood there, not moving, staring at him. His hand formed into a fist, anger clouding his mind, he was unsure what to do.

He let his hand fall down back to its original place. He took a deep breath and then exhaled, trying to ease his nerves. She cocked an eyebrow and tried to read his features. “I have a question.” She shrugged and asked again. His eyes were piercing as he looked at her, searching for something. “I am listening.” Loki just kept looking at her. He was watching her face again, just as he did every night. “Did you send my letter to my family or got rid of it? I never got a reply, so I was wond—” He was breathing heavily, blood rushing through his veins. Even she was accusing him, not trusting him. He thought that he gained her trust; he wanted to move forward and use her to his original plan.

His eyes darkened, and his upper lip was twitching with anger. Pinning her up against the wall, he wrapped his hands around her throat and squeezed. She clawed at his wrists trying to loosen his grasp. She began to make a noise in her throat, like a muffled, burbling scream. He yelled at her saying “What the hell do you think you're doing? You have no right not believing my words.” He held on tighter, but she fought hard. What was wrong with him? She just asked a simple question. She tried to push him off with her free hand but she couldn't move him. “I thought I made it clear!” He grabbed his dagger from his pocket and held it against her throat. Her eyes widened in fear. This was not the first time someone held a knife on her neck, but this time Caunedhiel felt something different. She still could not tell what will be his next step; she still couldn’t see right through him, he was good at hiding things. She was shooting into the unknown, and that is the thing she feared the most. The unknown. She stopped, stiffened and looked at him, face again paler. She didn’t do anything wrong now, did she? She could not recall anything. Watching her expression change, he could see her shiver as the blade touched her skin.

He could not see who opened the door a moment later, but he heard a man's voice say, “Brother, let her go!” Thor warned him, walking towards them. “Fuck!” He said under his breath, hiding the blade. Groaning, he pulled her toward him and slammed her against the wall again. Then he released her, and air rushed back into her wounded throat in one thick, cold rush. She was panting for breath, her heart trying to climb out of her chest, her throat itching from the inside. Caunedhiel could barely catch her breath. He dropped his hand and glared at her, then took his leave. Her brows came together, and she looked at him, confused.

He returned at midnight. The whole Asgard was dead silent, only the guards were up. The only light that allowed him to see was by the moon, he walked upstairs into his room. Closing the door behind him, Loki knelt by the side of the bed, and gently brushed some her hair off her face, with the same hand which just a few hours ago was choking her. For a moment he could see her swollen throat, almost crimson red. He swallowed hard and walked over his side of bed, taking off his robe and tugging himself into the bed. He was watching her, the fullness of her breasts, her hair darker than the honey but brighter than fire, her full lips asking to be devoured, by him. He leaned closer, drawn by her full red lips, he stopped. Instead he leaned his head down and kissed her bruised neck ever so softly. When she did not move, he repeated it; on a different place. Loki was moving his lips from the left to the right side of her neck. He heard her breathing steadily, she was deep asleep. His hand was on her jawline, his thumb caressed her cheek then her bottom lip, sending comforting tingles through her skin. Loki mouthed a silent apology and moved his hand off her, leaning back and lying down.

Unable to drift off again, he tried to conjure up her face once again. How would she look like if he made love to her, what kind of face she would make? He wondered. His throat was suddenly dry; Loki travelled downstairs, wandered into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. The moon was up high, bright and the stars were shining. What was that woman doing to him, he did not know, he feared the unknown.


	7. Rose

She hasn't seen him for a whole week. And even before that he seemed to be avoiding her. During that time she received a letter from her sister, Aditi, informing her about all the things that happened in Alfheim. She also wrote about her father, how he wished to remarry soon. She also mentioned that she was about to get married, unwillingly. Just to create peace among two kingdoms. Father threatened her dear sister not to inform Caunedhiel about this matter. Aditi prayed that she would take her to Asgard with her, and so save her from being forced into a marriage she detested. Caunedhiel could feel the heartache of her sister from the letter, a tear rolled down her cheek on the letter. Her adored little sister was forced into a marriage to a Svartalfheim man. Malekith's son to be precise. She wanted to be there for her sister, to save her.

She clenched her teeth and tightened her fists into hard balls. Pain intruded on her anger and she moaned, furious at her own helplessness. There were tears in her eyes and she was trembling, she had to close her eyes and exhale slowly. She saw the young boy, running towards her, excited. She was still young, but not too much, around 15 she was. She stood there, near the river, waiting for her friend. When he was finally there standing next to her, panting she giggled and rubbed his back. “Sorry for calling you out so suddenly.” She said with a sigh, looking at the boy who was already breathing properly. He shrugged and sat down on the grass. “No problem.” She gave him a weak smile as she sat down next to him. Both of them stayed quite for a moment, the only thing that could be heard were birds chirping and the sound of the water. Caunedhiel’s hair blew in the wind and lightly caressed his face. She took a deep breath, and then spoke in a small, faint voice. “I don’t want to get married to you.” She did not dare to look at him. “I just… want to be free. I don’t want to lose a friend like you.” Her eyes were fixed on the river, running freely anywhere it wanted. She wanted to be just like that water.

The boy sighed his frustration, his hands clenched into fists. He turned his head and looked at her, intensely. She was beautiful, he could not take his eyes off her, yet he wanted to destroy that pretty face of hers. He wanted her. He'd always wanted her, and now she managed to hurt him. He wasted his time for nothing? His mind turned black, his thinking irrational. One of the things he hated the most was rejection and being used as a toy. He took hold of a handful of her hair and pulled back her head, looking down into her eyes. She shrieked loudly, her eyes filled with terror. Her breath was knocked out of her as he pinned her to the ground with his iron body and she moaned, trying to struggle. She kicked wildly, trying for his privates but missing. “How dare you,” he told her, yanking her hair. He pressed his lips hard on hers, forcefully pushing his tongue into her mouth. His hand gripping her wrist so hard that it felt bruised. They used to be such good friends. What happened?

She was shrugging under him, trying to get rid of him. He was possessing her; his body was tense and pressing against hers. Caunedhiel recalled how she used to sneak out of her room just to see warriors fight between each other. She used one of those moments she saw, she managed to free one of her hands and hit his ribcage. He growled as pain shot through his ribs, but he kept holding her. “You haven’t hurt me enough?” He asked. “Huh?!” He raised his voice. Without warning, tears began to well up in her eyes. He pressed his hands to her throat and tightened his grip, the feel of her pulse hot and strong under his fingertips made his lips curve into a wide smile. He plucked at her lips forcefully with his own and bit the lower one, scraping the sensitive skin between his teeth. She started kicking with all her might, reaching out to grab anything she could find. She grabbed a wooden stick and started stabbing him. He bit her bottom lip so hard he thought this time he would surely draw blood. He released her with a groan. She cried out and in a blink of an eye she was standing on her feet.

Clenching the wooden stick in her hands, her legs were shaking. His mouth tensed and his eye color turned black, his body went rigid. Tears were rolling down her pink cheeks, her bottom lip, swollen and red from his violent kisses. She turned and started to run her legs a bit shaky to start off with, but she continued running. Her heart was racing. Her head hadn't hurt this badly in a long time. She recalled that disgust memory with anger and sadness. Her stomach twisted over on itself like a coil, and she ran to the bathroom where she vomited into the toilet again and again. She clenched the sides of the bowel with both hands. She coughed and gagged, after vomiting she started to run cold water in the sink and splashed it over her face. It both cooled her down and washed away all of the dried tears.

When she looked up, something caught her eye in the mirror. Loki watched her reflection in the mirror. He noticed that she was pale and strained she looked tired, shadows under her puffy eyes. Worry on her face. Something happened, he thought, he wanted to know what exactly. He wanted to hold her and comfort her. “Pretend you saw nothing.” She dodged his eyes as she passed by him. He clicked his tongue and looked up at her. She sat back down on the sofa and looked out the window. Something inside of him moved. He wanted to make her feel better. This was a woman that he truly wanted to know better; he was breaking all of the rules, his rules. She was changing some parts in him. He didn't like it. Hell.

Loki remembered how she adored nature, how he spied on her when she was in the garden. When he returned, Caunedhiel was stretched back against the chair with her eyes closed. Leaning closer, he could see tears trickling from the corners of her eyes. She was crying in her sleep. A single tear rolled down her cheek and over her chin. He wiped the fresh tear away with the rose he was holding in his hand. He looked at her, the emergent moonlight giving him a look at her sleeping face, something he had never done before. He placed the rose on her lap. He looked down at her lap, then his eyes rose to her waist, then bodice, openly and slowly appraising her. Her throat has healed by the time he was gone, although it was still slightly red. He leaned closer to her, casting her body in his shadow. She was sleeping on her back, snoring lightly with her mouth open. Without a word, he cupped her face between his palms, wipping the newly formed tears away. What was he doing?

She opened her eyes and saw a broad black form right in front of her, staring at her. Her body jerked at the warmth on her cheeks. Her vision was at first blurry because of the tears but after a while it came back to normal. She saw a familiar pair of blue eyes staring into hers. She felt alone. She felt afraid. She felt vulnerable. She looked into his eyes and reached her hands out to him. For today she allowed herself to feel this way, it wasn't wrong, was it? For a second, he closed his eyes as a shudder went through him as he felt her skin touching his. She wanted to be comforted. She wanted to let herself release all the sorrow that seemed to fill her slender body. She wanted to be held. Loki sat down next to her on the sofa. His arm slipped around her shoulders, and he drew her close to him. She hid her face on his chest and began to sob, Loki felt himself relaxed and caressed her back. This was new, he was not sure if he was doing the right thing. Yet it felt good. Soon after midnight, with her arms wrapped around his warm body she fell asleep in his arms. Loki looked down at her with a strange light in his eyes. “What am I supposed to do with you now? I wonder.” His expression clouded even further as he looked down at her mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first Marvel fanfic~!


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